Lauren Goodger- the transformation (and not in a good way)

So lately I have been totally unclear as to Lauren Goodger's motivations re her dress sense.... other than making me feel sicker than the malaria pills are making me (have I mentioned the epic hallucinations? Last night I dreamt that I had to have my lower leg amputated due to mosquito bites and when asking the doctor why I had to have this done he asked me if I had been drinking a lot of juice, wearing perfume and if my boyfriend hated me- at which point I - still asleep at that point- asked my boyfriend aloud 'the doctor wants to know if you hate me', suffice to say he pretty much thought I'd lost it until he remembered I was on loopy pills.... anyways I digress, back to Lauren the Great.... and my great I am referring to body mass, clearly). However after looking at the stills from last night's 'The Only Way Is Essex' it has become clear. She is trying to morph herself into a larger version of Lauren Pope and it's pretty frightening. If I was Lauren Pope I would run for the hills, who knows how many episodes it will be until Lauren seeks to abate her hunger (and obsession) by actually eating Popey. Run Popey run!

And speaking of could have been mothers (had she not aborted Mark Wright's baby).... Lauren Goodger continues to terrify us with her thighs

Perhaps unsurprisingly Lauren Goodger's body continued to assail my eyes both last week and over the weekend. She has continued her trend of bar hopping, wearing far to little and resultantly making me want to rip my corneas out. To make matters worse the more she goes out, the more she drinks, the bigger she gets and the more of her there is to cause my pain. In fact her thighs appear to have taken inspiration from Pinky and the Brain and are plotting to take over the world.

To be fair to Lauren- her thighs were not the only pair to be causing me stomach pain. Chloe Green was spotted looking worse for wear and putting her, imperfect, body on show. I usually like Chloe. She has good style. But she needs to remember that what is on trend may not be flattering and that is a statement that clearly applies to this ensemble..... I would even be willing to suggest that Lauren looks better. And trust me that statement is as shocking to me as the result of Man U, Man City's game yesterday was to the majority of the male world.

I would like to say however that Lauren Pope was the redeeming feature of the night. I have to say I thought she looked absolutely stunning in her red dress and her hair looked PERFECT. I do have to say however that as Lauren Goodger's roommate I do resent her apparent unwillingness or inability to get Lauren to (a) stay inside less (b) wear more clothes when she is beyond the confines of her house.