Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Lindsay Lohan: Muse Magazine (cover and editorial) December 2009




The cover pretty much says it all.............
When you start the night off dressed like this.... assumptions may be drawn that you're not down for just tea and crumpets.
Question: I assume there wasn't a lot of logic put into this but isn't the leather vest a bit redundant firstly, and secondly why no bra but yet underwear... damn, this is confuddeling me!
Shit is about to go DOWN...
Sexual.... the mesh bodysuit is gone and instead she is now rocking a mesh teddy. That Lindsay always keeping me on my toes, always making me guess.

Looks a bit like rape from this angle but we'll overlook that for the obvious artistic reasons....
This has got to be a very disappointing threesome.... You rock up only to find a severely dominated man AND Lindsay Lohan. Fuck that has got to blow. Oh well, at least she took solace in the fact that there was a human tick tack toe board present...
Lindsay's decided to take this bit of respite as an opportunity to have a cigarette and look longingly into the camera.... perhaps yearning for a more vibrant partner.
Another outfit.... looking doe like in the corner. Clearly the domintrix approach didn't work so I do appreciate her commitment in trying another approach HOWEVER is it too late in the game for her to be switching up her other tactics and where are the other two players. Those my friends are the big money questions.
Mini siesta. I guess she doesn't find watching tic tac toe amusing HOWEVER didn't she ever consider that she was filming this for popular consumption?! Big whoop the mildly attractive partner and the partner representing ethnic diversity in this little charade are being massively (and I can't emphasize that enough, like c'mon you've got Lindsay Lohan in the room who would CLEARLY be up for anything and all you can do is sleep and play board games..... well unless you're trying to sleep her off, in which case- fair pint) dull, you have got to buck up! This is probably why your career is lagging child! Just like in life you need to MAKE opportunities not WAIT for opportunities. So light this threesome up baby or just maybe consider you own situation, eh. 
OH! she's up! The game is back on!
.... but on a side note can we just discuss the fact that this shoot was supposed to have been inspired by Kate Moss and Johnny Depp's iconic relationship annnnnnd let's just say if Johnny fell asleep mid coitus and Kate 'trashed' the hotel room by pouring out a the water bottle sized equivalent to a cary onto the floor... well I'm pretty sure nobody would have given a f*ck about them (true story). So let's spice this thing up or otherwise consider the multitude of reasons you career went down the tube dearest Lindsay.
OH SHIT! It's on like f*ing donkey kong. Look at those game faces!
Oh, I've got a big feeling the bra's coming off!
Slowly..... a nipple was revealed. Only 4 hours later. I'm beginning to think that Lindsay would be SHIT at porn. Plus she'd have to work on her hygiene. Swear to goodness she looks dirtier then half the porn stars out there.
And it did (not a huge accomplishment considering how this sexual farce began annnd the fact that this is Lindsay Lohan, whose bought more bail bonds then bras in her days. Interesting choice to retain the Granny panties here though.
Annnnnd like Lindsay's last film... how quickly the third party is forgotten.
Shit! Another nap! Honestly, does this guy have a sleep disorder OR are Lindsay's breasts really that comfortable? (I reckon they could be with all that padding...).
And now some post sex/ double nap food.. and of course breast.
The savages are STILL fondling their food (swear there is more shots of him touching that plate then there are of him touching Lindsay) and now chilling with a disco ball..... What a thrilling threesome, eh?!

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